The unholy1/28/2024 ![]() Honestly, given the gimmickry involved, this shit might as well have been brought to us in 3D (which would at least be in-keeping with the stale modus operandi).Ĭary Elews arrives to lay on some prime cuts of thick ham as Bostonian bishop Gyles (though Elwes’ accent is more Southern Belle…), but even he can’t tilt The Unholy into the joyous rhapsodies of self-parody. ![]() The film’s CGI ghoulie has a glossy sheen that renders it goofy whenever it lingers in plain sight (which it does often), and the only attempts at genuine chills are orchestrated with the cheapest of jumps. ![]() Before you can reach for your rosaries, The Unholy takes a full-on charge into the most derivative and frankly laughable tropes from the horror playbook as understood by those same developers a decade ago. The first worries come when our prideful Fenn starts having dreams that look like cut-scenes from PS2 video game Deadly Premonition. At times it looks as though he’s been taking notes from the guys drafted in for A24’s horror pictures. And, aside from the odd forced Dutch angle, director Ewan Spiliotopolous seems to have an eye for an elegant frame. It’s not the wry observational deftness of Jessica Hausner’s Lourdes, but this take on miraculous healing engages. There’s intrigue and a modicum of genuine thought. My tone is filled with snark, but honestly this opening stretch is the best The Unholy has to offer. Never mind that it’s the exact spot that Fenn himself smashed apart a creepy doll from 1845, spilling the ashes of a heretic woman burned at the stake there with a mask hammered onto her face. His latest tip takes him to Banfield, Massachusetts, where reports of cattle mutilations cause him to stumble upon, seemingly, a genuine faith healer.ĭeaf-mute Alice (Cricket Brown – a budget Chloe Grace Moretz) has been touched by the hand of Mary, aka ‘The Lady’ and now, at the site of a stark, desiccated tree, has the power to cure all manner of ills, to hear and to speak in the name of her saviour. Jeffrey Dean Morgan does his best befuddled-Jeff Goldblum impression as disgraced fake-news journalist and raging alcoholic Gerry Fenn once a star reporter, now a freelancing huckster despatched to catalogue rejected ideas from The X-Files. For a short while, at least, there’s plenty of potential in this daft little pious pot-boiler. One of the things that ultimately makes The Unholy one of the worst films I’ve seen in my entire life (that phrase bares repeating) is that it really didn’t have to be. I went and saw The Unholy, which had piqued my interest anyway because, hey, I’m a horror hound. And, with both sets of neighbours deciding that it’s high time they threw house parties, I turned to my sanctuaries. This week in the UK a majority of restrictions eased, causing much relief. The absolute gamble of whether you’ll get a good, conscientious audience or not. But nothing matches the magic of the cinema. I could even start making notes for a review (shh) while a film was still playing. To little boutique hideaways in art centres. Standard practice before you-know-what? I’d go twice a week on average. I’ve been writing this blog/site for going on 9 years now. The Unholy is comfortably one of the worst films I’ve seen in my entire life, but I had so much fun. Finally, there are some visuals in this film (early and in the very end) that make absolutely zero sense and almost like they were purposely there for a trailer.Stars: Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Cricket Brown, William Sadler If you are a film fan I would definitely skip it. If you are a horror fan aching for some new horror - I would skip. In fact, without any reshoots and just some simple editing choices, I feel this movie could've been a lot better (and even saved some money on some horrid CGI). ![]() The real shame is that the film does seem like it could be saved. Both messages feel unearned and almost slapped together. In the end, you are left with two messages: one about truth and one about faith. Despite how fast-paced the movie seems, it still feels like it's dragging on at times. A lot of the rules established in the film are broken even minutes after being created. The writing holds the viewer's hand in an already simple plot. The horror film is centered exclusively around jump scares and with that exception has zero horror. The writing holds the viewer's hand The Unholy is an awkward film that ultimately tries to leave the viewer with a positive message but not even a positive message can make this a good film. The Unholy is an awkward film that ultimately tries to leave the viewer with a positive message but not even a positive message can make this a good film.
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